How to Deal with a Passive-aggressive Colleague
As you have probably heard, most of human history, civility was not the default setting. Societies were rougher, hierarchies more brutal and interpersonal interaction often governed by blunt displays of power and overt physical aggression rather than kind or cordial exchanges. In medieval societies, for instance, everyday interactions were far less restrained by norms of politeness. Status determined how you were treated; those with power often exercised it quite openly. Rudeness, intimidation and direct confrontation were not social faux pas so much as ordinary features of life in rigidly stratified societies.
Fortunately, we have come a long way. Today, success in modern organizations often depends on the ability to at least appear or seem gentle, collaborative and emotionally intelligent. Few people openly insult their colleagues or shout at meetings. Instead, most professionals understand that being likable, agreeable and tactful helps them influence others, build alliances and advance their careers. Even individuals who enjoy enough power to care less about how they impact others – say, senior leaders and executives – know that their reputation will take a hit if they don't practice the art of seeming humble, empathetic and kind.
As I noted in my latest book, this civility requires a great deal of performance. Being "professional" often means managing one's impulses, editing one's reactions and presenting a socially acceptable version of oneself. The result is that modern workplaces reward a kind of controlled or strategic authenticity: People must come across as sufficiently real while at the same time acting in sufficiently other-oriented and empathetic ways so that they can be trusted. Needless to say, this is mostly a good thing, especially compared with the alternative: open hostility, ego-centrism or rudeness. In other words, civility is, by and large, what makes collaboration and living in a well-functioning society possible.
Please select this link to read the complete article from Fast Company.